"Documentary Series Reveals Red Sox Outfielder Jarren Duran's Account of Suicide Attempt"
The demands associated with being a professional athlete caused Boston Red Sox outfielder Jarren Duran to try to end his own life, a personal moment he shared in a new documentary series.
The Athletic and ESPN, two of the media outlets to receive an early copy of the eight-part Netflix series, "The Clubhouse: A Year With the Red Sox," released excerpts of Duran's interview on Monday. His story is featured in the fourth episode.
Duran, now 28 years old, was drafted by the Red Sox in the seventh round of the 2018 MLB Draft after playing at Long Beach State. He made his major league debut on July 17, 2021, but described the season as a difficult one.
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He batted .215 in 33 games, followed by .221 in 58 games the following season. His mistakes in the outfield added to the negative comments and insults he received from fans and on social media, worsening his depression.
"I was already hearing it from fans," Duran shared in the documentary, as reported by ESPN. "And what they said to me, [it was like], 'I've told myself 10 times worse in the mirror.' That was a really tough time for me. I didn't even want to be here anymore."
He went on to explain how he loaded a single bullet into his rifle and pulled the trigger, but it did not fire.
"I think God just didn't let me take my own life because I seriously don't know why it didn't go off," he said, according to ESPN. "I took it as a sign that I might have a purpose for being here, so I started to look at myself in the mirror and ask, 'Do I want to be here or not?' That happened for a reason, and obviously, I'm here for a reason, so let's be the person I want to be, play the way I want to play, and live the way I want to live."
With this new mindset, things turned around for Duran. After starting the season at Triple-A Worcester, he played in 102 games for the Red Sox in 2023. He went on to hit .295 with eight home runs and 40 RBIs, and had a breakout year in 2024, earning his first All-Star selection, winning the game's Most Valuable Player award, and finishing eighth in the voting for American League MVP.
Last season, Duran played in 160 games and led the major leagues in plate appearances (735), at-bats (671), doubles (48), and triples (14). He also scored 111 runs, hit 21 home runs, had 75 RBIs, and stole 34 bases. He was also a finalist for the Gold Glove award.
In a statement, the Red Sox praised Duran for speaking about his struggles.
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"Jarren's decision to share his story is an act of bravery that goes beyond the world of baseball," said Red Sox president and CEO Sam Kennedy. "By opening up, he's showing others who may be struggling that they are not alone and that asking for help is not just acceptable, it's necessary."
"Every member of this organization continues to stand by him. We have the utmost respect for him, and he has our unwavering support. We are incredibly fortunate to have him as part of our team."
Duran reminds himself of his journey by wearing tape on his wrists.
"On my left wrist, I write, '[expletive] 'em,' because it's my way of telling my demons, 'You won't defeat me,'" Duran explained in the documentary, according to ESPN. "And on my right wrist, I write, 'Still alive,' because I'm still here and I'm still fighting."
